is your mom at the bar?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
