yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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