Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
