Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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