i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
