I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
