Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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