i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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