Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you would pick up someone in the library
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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