i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
