Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
