you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's always time for handjobs
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
