i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
