I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
