I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
