don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize