Ambien. No doubt about it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
