All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
