who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
