Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
