you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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