The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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