Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
