I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
