it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
