I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize