how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
