Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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