so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All the doctor said was why
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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