you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
