so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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