no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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