white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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