we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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