I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
