I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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