But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
