does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
