from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think i got beer on your cat.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
