you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
