is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
