just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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