He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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