she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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