brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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