Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
