He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
