R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize