good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
