she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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