question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
