insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize