I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
