and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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