after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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