Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize