Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she peed on how many people?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
