Someone shit on the floor
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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