you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
