Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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