Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
