Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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